Do you kiss your mother with that tongue?

Sup, Nerds.

I know I’ve said several times that I am not a dating/relationship expert. There are very few things that I consider myself an expert on, but an area that I do excel in beyond normal expectations is…kissing. Yep, I’m sayin it. I’m a kissing guru. A god. Top notch. Best in my field. I don’t wanna brag, but if they had an award for best kisser ever, I’d win it.

So how do my luscious lips and seductive smooch style help out my digital nerds? Well, because I’m such a good freakin kisser, I believe that I am also a good judge of fellow liplockers. I’ve taught various fellow friends the secrets of how to kiss a woman right (which have paid off BIG time for them), and I am now sharing my two best tips with you…my favorite nerds in the world. So…I guess here’s my question to you guys. Wanna make out?

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Slugs makes another crappy video

After 6 months of anticipation, Slugs makes another video! She comes to you from her bedroom to share some exciting news about her blog, her new podcast (X&Y) and then shamelessly begs for emails (which can be sent to her at: slugs@justcoolenough.com or xnyshow@gmail.com.)

Now, I know what you're all thinking, where did all the color go? Well, in her creative artsyness, she decided to come to you in classic film noir form.....or her walls are off white and it just makes her look yellow.

So, be excited...because as horrible as Ike is at technology, Slugs is even worse...however she did manage to record a video, and then post it the next day. And it really wasn't that hard. Just sayin...

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re·cip·ro·cate (v) - to give, feel, etc., in return.

Sup Nerds,

Let's answer some questions. Mmmkay?

Slugs –

Thanks for all of your dating advice so far, but I have a question. I’m really into this girl at work and I’ve been doing everything I can to let her know. I’ve followed your advice and have done everything. I help her when she needs it. I’ve gone over to her place a half hour away just to replace a light fixture. A lot of times I’ve helped her with her crappy car. I listen to her, always am there when she needs to talk, and I’ve been there for her whenever she needs me. She always seems really into me, but when I finally asked her out on a real date she said she wasn’t ready to date. Her ex boyfriend really messed her up. But then, last week, I heard her talking to another co-worker and it sounded like she was talking about a date that she recently went on. When I asked her about it she said that she’s just kind of dating around to get over him, and doesn’t want to seriously start seeing anybody, but she really likes me. So, my question is, what else can I do? I want her to know that I’m not one of those guys that’s going to treat her bad and I think she’s just scared to date me because she doesn’t want to get hurt. Any advice?

-Ron from Arkansas.

Aw Ron. I’m going to tell you what your friends obviously aren’t telling you.

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Dead fish stink

Sup, Nerds.

So it’s a Friday night. I’m on my way to my newest dating adventure with a cute CPA that I met online. Now, I know, CPA doesn’t exactly scream exciting to most people, but being the nerd lover I am, a big brain is pretty darn sexy. Plus, a man’s work isn’t his life, right? Mr. CPA was also a marathon runner and self proclaimed adrenaline junkie. Sounded pretty well rounded to me.  So after a few (slightly awkward) phone calls (which, ok, were really boring but I gave him the benefit of the doubt that he was probably just bad on the phone. It’s happened before. BTW, listen to the latest episode of X&Y to actually hear a conversation I had with Mr. CPA!) I agreed to meet him for dinner and drinks.

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Women are like Apples.

Sup, Nerds.

A few months ago I had a friend who was terrified to start a new relationship. He had been through some tough times of women taking advantage of him, women playing with his emotions and women being downright bitches to him. He was seeing a very sweet, genuine girl, and yet, his fear of repeating a past relationship was seriously holding him back.

I just wanted to shake him. Here he is, with an actual good girl in front of him and he’s about to blow it because he’s had a rough past. No matter what I said, I just couldn’t get through to him. I told him she was sweet. Yeah but… I told him that she was the real deal. Yeah but… I told him that he’d probably regret it if he blew this. Yeah but… Ugh! I was frustrated. He had a million excuses to what “might” happen and why it “might” not work out. He had already built up in his head some elaborate story of heartbreak and betrayal and they hadn’t even been out on their second date. I knew I wouldn’t get through to him with my normal psychobabble about having to trust and let go, so I finally just asked him:

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Stop. Just Stop.

Sup, Nerds.

So, I've decided to start making my titles more ambiguous to see if Eric actually reads my posts before writing a quick summary with the link on facebook. Hee he. Oh Eric. I do love to find ways to make your day a little bit harder.

But anyways, I got a very interesting question the other day, and I actually believe this guy's problem to be more common than most people think...

Dear Slugs,

I have this knack for attracting women that have husbands/boyfriends. I don’t look for them, but I’m polite, friendly, and playful with everyone and for some reason these girls decide that I’m perfect to fulfill whatever is lacking in their relationships. It goes from simple, fun banter to them saying things like “we’d have been such a great couple…” then the sexting starts. Why do these women zero in on me and why don’t I have such luck with single girls? I have no interest in being the “other guy” but I always seem to end up heading that way.  I want a relationship yet seem to be attracting the wrong women. Any advice?

-The Unavoidable Other Guy

  Oh wow mister other guy. This is probably going to be the easiest advice for me to give, and the hardest for you to take. And I give this advice having been in your situation several times.

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The hilariously wrong advice of one Doc Love

Sup, Nerds.

I just read probably the funniest “advice” article that I’ve ever encountered. It’s by a man who calls himself “Doc Love” and has a $99 book called “The System” that is supposed to teach guys how to get women to fall in love with them. Let me just say, if his book is anything like the short article of his that I just read, it is an overpriced piece of shit. You’d have better luck taking that $99 and paying a girl to date you than you would with his “system.” (Yeah, don’t actually do that…I’m just sayin…)

This guy is equal amounts of ridiculous and ignorant and unfortunately, the first thing that popped up under Google when I typed in “how long should I wait to call her.” I WAS going to do a post on the awkward time between getting a girl’s number and calling her, but instead I’m going to rant about idiot advice that you should not be listening to if you want to get within 100 miles of a good relationship.

Oh, and before I get into this, Nik, are you fucking serious? You got in a fight with your mom about leaving the toilet seat up and so you launch an in depth questioning session about toilet seats on a dating blog? Really? Because that doesn’t scream super nerd or anything. Alright, I’ll play along but only because I’m really bored right now…it’s not the “cold porcelain,” it’s the fact that the bowl’s circumference is quite a bit larger than the seat, and I don’t feel like falling in the fucking toilet when I stumble in the bathroom in the middle of the night. So just put the fucking seat down. It takes 2 seconds (or .04 seconds by your standard which is probably pretty accurate seeing as I’m a good 90% sure you timed yourself doing it for the sake of this question). Sorry if that inconveniences you but guys put the seat down after they pee. That’s just how the world works. Please keep reading because you probably need to find a good woman if this is what you’re currently spending your time and thoughts on, yo.

Anyways, onto the most redic dating advice I’ve ever heard. You ready for this?

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It's not a comeback, it's a Revolution. Join me...

It's good to see you, Nerds.

For some reason, I don’t think that we talk about what we need as much as we should. Our needs have become taboo. Sexually, emotionally, physically, spiritually, it doesn’t matter. Anything that digs below the surface is our own secret, and we need to keep it to ourselves.

Why? Why can’t we just talk to each other without feeling weird about it?

I am by no means a relationship/dating/sex expert. Sure, I have a lot of experience in the “field” and for some reason, with all this “experience,” I don’t think I’ve ever actually told somebody what I need.

We ready to talk about our needs? Good. It won't be as bad as you think.

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Slugs is back, and taking questions!

Yay. My first question!  Thanks Nik, for the interest and therefore, my next blog topic.

Yes, after a short hiatus, Slugs in back. I am totally digging the idea of people asking questions and me answering them. With that said, if YOU have any relationship/sex/girl/guy/love questions, you can post your questions or send them to me at slugs@justcoolenough.com. I’d be happy to answer.

So anyway, back to Nik. He has asked…

“You are hanging out with a few friends and the topic of discussion turns to something that one of the guys is really passionate about (something he likes, not hates). You can almost see him glow up as he is talking about what he is really interested in. Sexy?

or

Someone that is really handy, for example with carpentry or computers, and can help you with just about every problem in that area (and is willing to). Sexy?”

Two questions really...and dog gone it, I’m gonna answer both.

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Money can't buy you love...or a first date

Sup, Nerds

Okay, it would be amazing to date a billionaire that could buy me clothes and shoes and cars and jewelry all day every day. You know what would be even more amazing? Dating a normal guy with a low income who doesn’t hold stuff like clothes and shoes and cars and jewelry as some kind of bargaining tool. Dating a middle class man who makes me happy instead of having to buy me things to make me happy. Getting fulfillment out of the meat of the relationship, and not the accessories.  Yes, as much as girls like a nice bank account, the good ones are more than willing to surpass big bucks for big love. So…how do you find the good ones?

There’s a lot of well off guys out there who don’t know how to interact with women, and therefore try to buy their way into a relationship. And unfortunately, there are dragon bitches out there who will realize this, take advantage, and then leave my poor little rich nerds out in the cold once she has her fill of fancy things. So if you’re looking for a girlfriend but keep finding leeches, keep reading.

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The Case of the Dude-Bro

Sup Nerds.

There is a very classic and specific group of guys commonly (by me) referred to as, “Dude-Bros.” They’re guys that can’t start a sentence without the word “Dude” and refer to everybody as their “Bro.” Hence the really creative and original name. My brother likes to call the Chotches, I’ve heard numerous other names, but they are commonly observed wearing Ed Hardy, Hollister, popped collars, extremely ripped jeans, T-shirts that cost more than my weekly salary,  some bedazzling, white baseball caps that do not support a baseball team and of course…aviator sunglasses. They tan. They hang out in a group of no less than two Dude-Bros. They have secret coded words and phrases (which sound ridiculous to the outside ear) that they pass among their group, they like making each other do shots (SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS) and they love talking about how wasted they got last night. Yes, I give to you…the Dude-Bro.

Now here’s the thing about the Dude-Bro, they cannot and will not break their two Dude-Bro group minimum…even when they are on first dates. See where this is going?

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Proper grammar is sexy

This is literally an unaltered (except for personal info) email that I received the other day:

Hi I want to get to know you I'm Q ?

Hello Thanks for Giving me the chance to get to know you I'm Very APPRECIATED. My name is Que , Coming from Cleveland ,Ohio I'm on the west side of Youngstown, Ohio or More Like Austintown,Ohio Your photo and or profile caught my eye,Please read my profile and you'll get a better outlook on me , I can be reach write or Buzz me on Yahoo dot com Messenger , my ID is [Something Crazy] or email me ? ..PS.. I can't wait to get to meet you and be a good friend or more with you .....I'm looking to get to know you if you let me , ITS UP 2 U. Luv, I can Also be reach at this number ([#s!]) ( only if you serious and wanting to speed up the emailing and text in back and fourth and all, I really don't like that but their those who feel that's what they want to do endless email and text Just Call me ask for Que if your serious.? Here's a Brief Syn opsis of myself : I'm into the Entertainment Industry,Marketing, Promotions, I'm a DJ , 5'9 tall ,slim, Single , no Kids around , By myself, in College a full time student . Want to know more get in touch not looking for Drama, Scams, Website Invites, Insecure Women? or Women who don't ever have the time then why your here ? .....I want 2 Love Someone and be Loved by Someone Maybe You??? Sincerly,,, I_Que_Fynist........ECT......

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Learn from a nervous Wannabe Jokester

Sup, Nerds!

It’s a Friday night and I have driven through snow and ice and holiday shopper traffic to meet my date for drinks. Needless to say, by the time I actually get inside the restaurant, my nerves are already pretty much shot (I’m a pretty nervous driver).

So I get to the restaurant, find my guy, and no joke, the first words out of his mouth are “wow, whoever dressed you must really hate you.”

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Slugs ends the great size debate

 

Sup, Nerds.

Men have it easier than women, let’s just start out saying that. A quick glance at our chest and you can tell whether or not we are well endowed. You know right away…big, small, medium, ripe, saggy. I know that some bras make some chests appear bigger or perkier then what they really are, but at least you get a general view of what we got going on.

Girls do not get that luxury. We have to wait until you’re hard, and rubbing all up on us to see how big your junk is. And let’s just be honest, if a guy’s hard, then he’s probably trying to do you, so you literally have to wait until you’re right there in the sex to figure out any sizing issues.

With all that said, I know there’s an age old debate…does size matter? I’m going to settle this once and for all.

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Date like a gay...get laid like a god.

Sup, Nerds.

Out of all of the guys that I’ve gone out with since I started this little experiment, only two of them have gotten second dates with me. Both of them I labeled as “possible gays” after my first dates. So out of all these guys… why on earth would I give possible gays another date over clearly straight men? Well, I’ll tell you why. Possibly gay or not, I’d rather go out with somebody who I don’t feel like I might have to taze at some point during the date. That’s why.

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