You see commercials every day for online dating sites. Match.com… it’s okay to look. Eharmony…fill out a three hour long survey and we’ll give you an uggo with a good personality. Chemistry…it’s ok if you’re gay or into bondage. They say that one in five relationships these days starts on one of these sites. But I guess just by looking around the mall you can see that one in five girls thinks that face paint is make up and one in five guys still thinks that Ed Hardy is fashion …so it kind of makes sense.
So a few months ago, being the amazing investigative journalist I am, I decided to do a little experiment. Put up a profile and see what kind of freaks these commercials are advertising,and then expose them for the creepos that they are. It started off great. I had a guy that would get up every 20 min to go stand in the corner of the restaurant and text his buddies; a cowboy; a snobby nerd who tried to show me Chris Osgood’s house and when he couldn’t find it asked if he could still at least get a hand job; a guido; a spiritual (but not religious) man who gave me a 10 minute long hug so that he could absorb my energy…I was rolling in weirdos. I had it. I was going to expose the creepies off of these websites with a hilarious tell all book. My book tour was planned. My forward written. My first interview with Oprah was thought out in my head…”Hahaha, oh Oprah, of course all of these stories are true! Oh yes, I know, I have done the online dating world a wonderful service. An award? Why Oprah, that’s so nice of you. Of course I accept.”
But then I met Aric with an A. Cute, extremely romantic, fun to be around…wait!! I thought that only creepy weirdos were online! What’s going on?? So I kept dating him, kept falling for him, and wouldn’t you know, I actually found a slice of love online. HOLD UP! This totally throws a wrench into my plan. Petrified, and knowing that while he was great, we weren’t meant for each other, I dropped things with Aric with an A, and move on to another guy. Maybe that was just a fluke.
But no more than a few days later, sure enough, I met a good looking, well established and fun guy. I was totally thrown. This wasn’t supposed to happen. Good guys don’t go online…they don’t need to! I liked him and decided that maybe the exposé wasn’t going to work. We only dated for about two months before we realized we were wrong for each other and dropped the relationship…BUT…it allowed me to realize that I was actually doing another kind of research…
So now I’m back online with a new objective. Not just to see what weirdos online dating has to offer, but see what good/bad/creepy/crazy/fun/psycho guys are actually out there. CRAZY, I know, but I’m not willing to give up this little experiment quite yet. Along this journey so far I have learned about first dates, relationships, sugar daddies, one night stands, starting relationships, ending relationships, and everything else possible that has to do with penises and vaginas interacting.
So here’s the new experiment. See who’s out there. See every kind of sexually geared interaction that's available online. See what works in the dating world and what doesn’t. Maybe the weirdos don’t know that they’re being weird? Maybe, with a little bit of advice, the creeps and dorks could actually be dateworthy. Maybe, by talking about what girls are actually thinking, I can help clueless boyfriends who are barely getting laid by their girlfriends (ahem, Producer Joey) get some action. Maybe YOU are the nerd that needs a little dating adjustment to go from pathetic to suave. Maybe I can help... or maybe I can just entertain you with all of the crazy situations that I know I’m about to get myself into.
So here’s what you’ll get with me. A tell all. A real look into a woman’s brain. What I’m thinking, what I’m holding back. What turns me on and what turns me off. What you can and should do. What you should never do on any circumstances whatsoever. What’s weird. What’s sexy weird. What’s creepy weird. Plus, I’m sure you’ll get some interesting dating/sex stories out of the mix. I’m not gonna lie, I’m a little wild. Pretty crazy. Totally honest.
No worries, you’ll have good time.