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Fat Loser: Eat some turkey bitch!

The name for this series of blog post has been floating around in my head for some time now. I love that it’s funny, but expresses the self deprecation that I treasure so much. Some people use self deprecation to defuse negativity. I use it to express me own hatred and self loathing.Although that is not the point of these post.

In a nutshell, I wanted to start blogging about my attempt to transform myself from at fat sack of crap with no friends to skinny sack of crap with no friends. I am in no way an expert in weight loss or exercise and most of the time I can’t motivate myself to get off my ass, but I think my struggles might help some people with their troubles. At the very least, you can laugh at a fat dude struggling to get in shape.

There were a few subjects I thought about writing for my first post, but seeing as Thanksgiving is tomorrow and ‘Tiss the season to eat like a it’s your last meal on death row, I wanted talk about how to handle the surplus of food during the holidays.

The one rule that I have found in the few years sense I started my epic weight loss journey is “Eat some turkey bitch!” It might seem like a little silly to say out loud, but you didn’t get fat because you had that second slice of pumpkin pie at your Grandma’s house. The holidays are a great time to just let yourself go because it is expected of you.

When I first made the decision to not be such a tub of lard, it was right around the holiday season. I had only started to watch what I ate, had almost completely cut Mountain Dew out of life, and was slowly starting to lose weight. The idea that I would sit down and gorge myself on food was slightly scary. I worried that I would undo what little progress I made so far. Not enough to hold back, but just enough that it nagged at me as I dug in.

What I discovered astounded me. I still continued to lose weight. Allowing myself to go hug wild on some tasty treats for one day did not undo the few weeks of work at weight loss. I came to the very obvious conclusion that a handful of holidays and the occasional birthday where not the cause of my enormity. It was all the days in between that made me that man I am.

Letting yourself got once in a while is not a bad thing. In fact it’s a great think. It helps to get over the fear of food. When I first started out defatifying myself, I was afraid that at any moment I would try and have one slice of pizza, but instead black out and wake up after a three week food coma. If you are fat, it’s because you can’t eat like everyone else. I did not have the voice in my head that told me to stop after one slice. Hell, I still don’t and the idea of purposely letting myself go for a day made me think that I would be unleashing a monster I had only started to cage.


When all was said and eaten, I turned out fine. I enjoyed my food and the next day was back to my new eating habits. The holidays and other eating occasions are a great time to show you one thing. You can have power over food. Every day is a power struggle with the voice in my head that tells me to eat more, but these times are a great place to show you that it’s okay to lose the battle some times. It’s okay to take a handful of days spread across the year and eat like a fat slob. It gives you the courage to admit you are not perfect and the incentive of pigging out once in a while so you don’t have to the rest of the time.

So the bottom line is, Eat some turkey bitch! It won’t kill you to indulge ever once in a while. As long as you know you are going to fall off the wagon, why not cousin the fall with some fluffy mashed potatoes? You’re only.

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