It’s a Friday night and I have driven through snow and ice and holiday shopper traffic to meet my date for drinks. Needless to say, by the time I actually get inside the restaurant, my nerves are already pretty much shot (I’m a pretty nervous driver).
So I get to the restaurant, find my guy, and no joke, the first words out of his mouth are “wow, whoever dressed you must really hate you.” Seriously? I mean, he was joking, but that’s really not the first thing you should say to a girl when you meet her. So I kind of fake laughed, one of those I’m-not-even-going-to-try an- pretend-like-this-is funny-but-I’m-going-to-laugh-because-literally-it-is-the-only-thing-I-can-do kind of laughs, and he looked at me and asked “did you hear what I just said?” like he’s proud of a really good joke that he just told. I just kind of nodded and then luckily the hostess saved me by taking us to a table. So we sat and talked for a little bit, and then AGAIN, he said “I don’t know if you heard me back there but I said, whoever dressed you must really hate you.” So this time I acknowledged the joke, laughed and asked “that bad?” and he just nodded. He was still laughing, and I’m pretty sure joking, but even if I looked hideous (which, I mean, I didn’t) you don’t say that to a girl. And if it slips, like a stupid joke that just slips out of your mouth, you at least come back and say, “no I was just kidding, you look nice” or something like that. You don’t keep with the weird and insulting joke.
I understand being nervous, and when we’re nervous stupid stuff tends to slip out of our mouths. I’m completely guilty of it. But usually I realize what I said was stupid and either try and laugh at myself for saying it, apologize, or just confess that I’m nervous and it was a dumb thing to say. I don’t think it’s ever a bad thing to confess that you’re nervous. Especially on a first date, because the other person is most likely just as nervous. It might even be an ice breaker that will get you both laughing.
But I mean, I get it. Some guys like to revert back into 5th grade and do the whole proverbial hair pulling…teasing a girl as a sign of affection, but at this age it’s just kind of weird and awkward. I mean, I’ve had guys poke fun at me, and its fun, but they usually make it clear that they’re just joking and have a good follow up. Not the Wannabe Jokester. Don’t flat out insult a girl. Little jokes are fine, but especially when you first meet her, telling her that she doesn’t look good is pretty much the exact opposite of what you should do. The HORRIBLE part of all of this was that he was wearing cargo khaki’s, a short sleeve button down shirt that was buttoned up to the neck like a bad third grade school picture, and dirty tennis shoes. And even in that get up, I wouldn’t dream of actually saying anything.
So once I got through that stuff, we had pretty okay conversation…in the sense that I don’t think he listened to a word I said. Again, learn from the Wannabe Jokester here but here he made a more common mistake that allllllll of us make without ever realizing it….
Have you ever been listening to somebody talk, and have really good story or tidbit that you want to throw in, but you can’t because they’re in the middle of saying something, so you wait for them to finish their story and instead of actually listening to it, you think about what you’re going to say next? Yeah, we’ve all done that. And it’s okay every once in a while. (I usually catch myself, and then start thinking about how I should be listening to what they’re saying, and then realize that I have no idea what they’re actually talking about…oh no, crap…what were they saying? Should I nod? Shake my head? Agree? I should really just stop thinking about it and listen. Ah! Crap, now I’m really lost!) Well, he spent most of the time literally interrupting me mid-sentence with strange facts…
Did you know Elvis actually had blonde hair? (Umm, what does that have to do with sports?)
Did you know that a quarter of Russia is covered by forest? (What?)
I just read that about a third of all Americans flush the toilet while they're still sitting on it. (Ok, now I think you’re trying to be weird.)
Literally, I’d be in the middle of saying something and he’d interject with these…amusing…facts. So if you’re caught up in your own thoughts while somebody is talking, do the polite thing and let them finish before your swerve the car into a completely different lane of conversation.
Warm Holiday Hugs,