For a number of years now, my New Year's resolution has been the same: Stop being such a fatty. I didn’t expect that in the course of a year, I was going to magically transform my body into the idealized version of myself that all the magazines tell us young girls we should look like. I don’t think I’ll ever fit into a size zero dress.
No, my goals have always been much more pragmatic. This year I think I am going to shoot for a very lofty goal. It’s one that will take a lot of dedication and will power, but I know that it is something within my ability to reach. This year I want to learn to love my fat jiggly self.
The sad truth of the matter is, I have been fat for so much of my life that I will aways identify myself as a fat guy. Sorry, the politically correct term is Super Sized American. No matter what amount of weight I aerobicize off, I still see a fat person in the mirror.
At the moment, I am finally getting close to reaching my goal in terms of weight loss, which is only half the battle. Keeping it off is the real trick. At this point in my journey, I should be ecstatic. There is a light at the end of the tunnel and it’s not just a burger joint sign. I am within twenty pound of reaching my goal weight.
You would think that I would be so pleased with myself, but I’m not. It’s not that I am disappointed with my progress or the time it has taken me. I know that I have preformed a crazy feat in transforming my body. The problem is, I still see a fat guy in the mirror.
Transforming my body into the lean and sexy Adonis that I clearly am was great, but I still need to become that person. I had hoped that with the weight loss, the self respect would just crash the party, but that was not the case. I am slightly more confident in myself then I was. I do see that staggering progress that I have made with will power that I never know I had. I just don’t love myself for who I am.
So that is my goal for this year. I will continue sweating to the oldies, but my resolution is not just to lose more weight. I am going to spend this year pulling my head out of my ass and stop being such a spineless douche. I will learn to accept and love myself for who I am and not the fatty I used to be.