Let's answer some questions. Mmmkay?
Thanks for all of your dating advice so far, but I have a question. I’m really into this girl at work and I’ve been doing everything I can to let her know. I’ve followed your advice and have done everything. I help her when she needs it. I’ve gone over to her place a half hour away just to replace a light fixture. A lot of times I’ve helped her with her crappy car. I listen to her, always am there when she needs to talk, and I’ve been there for her whenever she needs me. She always seems really into me, but when I finally asked her out on a real date she said she wasn’t ready to date. Her ex boyfriend really messed her up. But then, last week, I heard her talking to another co-worker and it sounded like she was talking about a date that she recently went on. When I asked her about it she said that she’s just kind of dating around to get over him, and doesn’t want to seriously start seeing anybody, but she really likes me. So, my question is, what else can I do? I want her to know that I’m not one of those guys that’s going to treat her bad and I think she’s just scared to date me because she doesn’t want to get hurt. Any advice?
-Ron from Arkansas.
Aw Ron. I’m going to tell you what your friends obviously aren’t telling you. This girl has found herself a puppy dog. You’re there when she needs you…but when she doesn’t need you, where are you? Eagerly waiting for her to need you again. And she likes it that way. Who wouldn’t? All you have to do is show somebody a little attention and they’ll come, fix your lights, fix your car, listen to you bitch and moan about your day, and then all you have to do is pat them on their head and send them on their way. Yeah, I’ll take one of those please. Only, wait, because I have a heart, I’d probably feel bad after a while for USING this guy who’s obviously into me.
Yes, she can get away with showing you minimal attention, giving absolutely nothing, and getting everything in return. Why would she want to mess that shit up with a relationship? Then she’d actually have to do some work. Pfff, yeah right.
She’s sitting pretty right now. She has the best of both worlds…she has the attentiveness of a boyfriend while still having the freedom to date. In fact, the more you do for her, the more she’s going to treat you like a puppy dog. I know in one of my posts, I wrote that if you’re into a girl, you have to show her. And I know I used the example of my friend fixing his girl’s water heater and they ended up dating. BUT the difference… she wasn’t patting him on the head and sending him on his way. It impressed her. So while he fixed her water heater, she made him dinner. She showed him a good (ok reallllly good) amount of affection. She recognized that he was helping her because he was into her, and she reciprocated. If the girl you’re showing your interest to is not reciprocating, she’s not into you. At all. As in, you will not be dating this girl. She doesn’t want to date you. She does not like you. You’ve become the guy friend. You might as well be gay to her. She does not want to be romantically involved with you. You will not see nor touch her boobs. Do you need it any clearer?
Ron, you seem like a nice guy with a big heart that could be used on a much better girl who will (say it with me now) reciprocate your interest. So… my point blank advice. Let this girl find her own lighting guy, mechanic, and shoulder to cry on. Because you deserve much better than some girl that’s going to leech off of you and not feel bad about it. I guarantee, the moment you stop showing interest in her, she’s going to start acting like she wants you more. Don’t fall for it; she still doesn’t want to date you, she just desperately wants her puppy dog back. Stay strong, because you deserve (and will find) so much better.
You want a relationship where you don’t feel like you have to constantly do stuff to make her notice you. You want to feel at ease because you’ll KNOW how she feels about you. In fact, you want a relationship where she’s doing whatever it takes to make YOU happy, because she will recognize your efforts and she will (one last time) reciprocate.
Hope it helps. And I really hope you grow a pair and walk away from her.
(So you know sometimes, when you say a word too much, it starts to sound funny and you start questioning whether it’s really the right word because it sounds so weird? That’s happening with “reciprocate” but I hope that just means that I’ve thoroughly engraved the word into your mind.)
PS- Have a question? Comment? Something you would like me to talk about? Shoot me an email: firstname.lastname@example.org. Happy dating.